1. You have a reality show.
With Palin still a rumored hopeful and Trump once considering running, there’s room for some more reality TV stars. Though we’ve seen The Situation persevere through intense grenade attacks, the current Bachelorette has proven she can take criticism and make some necessary cuts!
2. You haven’t been relevant since the 90’s.
Having Newt back in the spotlight might make some nostalgic. So, what’s stopping someone like Jaleel White throwing his hat into the race? Come on, what better way to shirk the blame for something like a recession or a costly war than with a catchphrase like, “Did I do that?!”
3. You have or almost have shut down the federal government.
Newt did it in ’95. And those plucky Republicans almost did it again this year. Must be some kind of initiation. So, anarchists, take note, there’s a place for you in the GOP if you finally pull off that lifelong goal!
4. Even Republicans aren’t sure if they’ll vote for you.
In a recent WSJ poll, less than half of the GOP primary voters said they were satisfied with the current batch of candidates. Those less popular Democrat hopefuls (aka anyone but Obama), this might be the only way to get a party nomination.
5. Last and most definitely not least: You really really hate Muslims.
Wait, I think that’s a real qualification.